I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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