I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
