Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
