FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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