Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
