Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
