this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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