does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
