He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
