just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
