I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
