Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
