new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
