The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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