I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
