is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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