Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
