By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
