I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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