You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
