My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
