you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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