do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I need a beard to bite.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
