her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
