remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
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