just come out here and I will go home with you...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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