My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
