I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
pop tarts are not kleenex
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
