A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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