??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
