Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You're so nebulous sometimes
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
