Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
