so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
