the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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