I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
