either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
