I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
