Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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