Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
