Is it normal to miss your booty call?
we have pet lesbian snakes
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
