Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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