im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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