I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
