I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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