I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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