I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
