Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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