covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
