You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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