wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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