I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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