i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
