Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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