i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
