just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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